Sunday, January 30, 2011

Taking the Back Seat

While we are so much humbly-down-to-earth for our own interest and works, there is so much a possibility one being not-so-positive about oneself. There’re more people who do not lag behind in many things in life, but most of them end up putting themselves humbly at the back seat of the event even if it’s the one that concerns one the most. Doubting oneself is like a disease; it’ll tear and wear you down, if not, will always keep you suffering. There is so much negativity and skepticism about oneself. And today it’s spread like a plague- every second, most god-damn (Not god-forsaken) people on earth has this feeling of underestimating oneself.
Part of the problem is that we're trying to live up to someone else's expectations instead of our own...”
And certainly like in the case of above excerpts, most of us obnoxiously feel ourselves so much in a place surrounded by echelons of perfectionists as if there are lots. Our paranoid feelings give rise to pessimistic ideas, and all that one end up at the end with will be nothing but a halted dreams which could have sailed if not for fearing others perfection so much while keeping oneself behind the silhouettes of self-doubt and fear.
Many do not even try.
“This ain’t good enough, so why bother myself?”
There are many reasons for it, and one prime reason which I know is criticism which results in becoming more self-doubting. You can’t survive the criticisms from others. You can either try to pick it up as the good tips for positive improvement or just ignore it for all your good interest persuasion without any distraction. Fear of being unable to digest criticisms result in keeping oneself suppressed and beaten. It deters one then to even try doing what one is interested in doing. There can’t be any one more paranoiac than oneself. You can’t be more pessimistic than a person who would have discouraged you for you all not-so-good works.
Show it to share with others, and learn if at all you have anything to get from others. It’s all about learning the mistakes and improving it to be more verse and enthusiastic. Everyone knows we can’t be like the ones who have done great things, but can aspire to be like them, and for that one needs to be interested and confident about one’s work.
I always believe that there’s nothing and anyone as such to be called as perfect and judgmental.  It’s easy to be critical about others, even though. Anyone can only be either of two; one who follows ones interest regardless of how bad is one in the very field of interest( but wants to improve) while other who knows too much of what he is capable of.
So friends, even though I ain’t qualified enough to write something of this sort, I am encouraging (if this is all that I can do best) people to not to underestimate yourself. World can be full of negative influences and pessimistic ideas, you can’t sit back and wait for your dreams to get washed away. World can be full of best, you can’t compare yourself to them and start lying back realizing your incompetent ability. It’s all about doing things that give happiness and pleasure which of course could end up being judged or criticized, but it isn’t the end, it’s the beginning of learning more. Let world be so high and so great, best for you is to have your circle interesting and confident.  

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

To My Sweetheart!

I ain’t a poet…but I would have loved so much to be able to write one for this sweet girl. :((
I have a big day marked in my life, well not just in my life but in our whole family, smiles. And I will never forget the day- how am I suppose to forget the day how much I became happy to have one and only sister in my life- the day you were born. And tomorrow you will become a year older.
It was a long five months wait before I saw you. I wished I had the wings to fly and kiss you then. But I still liked the way I waited to see you and hold you. The period kept me from other worries –I haven’t seen you then, I rejoiced imagining how beautiful you will be. And that was the most beautiful period. All thanks to you, Sweetheart!
I used to hate so much in my early days when I was made to skip classes only to baby sit my younger brothers, but today I feel proud that I have been all along with them as an elder brother. And now I hate missing this chance to be there beside you and play with you. 

Six months before, you were so naive even to not to recognize mother, but now I know you recognize people around you- at least mom, dad and brothers around you who are at home, and I fear that tomorrow when I come home, you will cry out when I try kissing you or when I pick you up    ..:)you won’t be able to recognize this big brother of yours!
In the family of six siblings, and as an eldest brother of yours, I wish you Happy Birthday- your presence in family has brought immense happiness and indescribable joy in all our lives.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Which I assumed to be stars!

When I was a small kid, I used to count the number of spot lights-which I assumed to be stars- in the darkness through my window. Those lights were the headlights of the vehicles running on the roads far away over the hills from my village-Digala, in Zhemgang. And it’s been almost more than a decade, and I believe today if I go back to my village, I would be still counting the number of spotlights (may be more lights this time).
If I visit my village again, sitting at the broken window sill, room lit by a kerosene lamp, and with a bangchag in one hand, I would probably wonder why don’t those vehicles if not stars haven’t reached my grandparent’s house yet? The old rugged traditional stone has now been standing up on the top of hill for decades. The lhakhang commands the creation below. My old grandpa used to make me offer Yoenchhab every morning- that was the most scary routine for me, as a kid, I used to get more terrified to step inside the dark room with so many terrifying masks hanging on its wall. Electricity in the room would have been the blessing. And for that one need those stars on the roads to stretch out at our doorsteps which possibly has been the distant dream.
One of my most memorable moments- which I see these days as one though it didn’t really make my day in those days- was clearing the new pathway to connect our own separate village with whole village. The harsh rainfall in summer resulted in landslide. The pathways were washed away and the calamity even stretched its hand till the jaw of the hill over which my grandparents stayed. If there’s was ever a god repaid for my grandfather’s gracious deeds he involved himself at his old age, then it was stopping the landslide right at the edge of the lhakhang.We worked whole day in clearing a new pathway through the jungle. To remove the boulders, we have had our elder brother. And even for my naive intelligence, I felt a sense of greatness thinking that now people do not need to trouble themselves trying to take the section of old path which has fallen victim to the ill power of nature.
Now with Chamkhar chhu hydro project on roll, I can see my village not just with few stars on the hill, but it will be lit with many. It would mean the roads, the lights, vehicles and most importantly people in the village can improve whole lot in their economy. I remember walking alone in jungle following the meandering pathway which snaked over the brow of hills to the bow of rivers till I reach some village. Now those memories shall always be remembered as past, the future is near with electricity to dispel poverty and roads to connect with development.
Seems like generation behind us won’t have to wonder about stars moving far at the distance about the mountains. 

Lhakhang: Temple
Yoenchhab: Water offering to Gods. Usually its offered in morning.

Friday, January 21, 2011

An Ode to Cody: Meet the Gold Medalist!

There are rare moments in any individual’s life which deserved to be remembered forever. These are special glimpses of life and believe me, life seldom offers such beautiful moments. And it’s not always that you are gifted with such blessings.
Well, its now been almost a year and six months. We had the party celebration; we drank, ate, and danced for his achievement. The good tiding flew far and wide amongst his good wishers. The father of him has been the proudest of all. Even winning a first prize in balloon bursting competition in nursery would bring a smile to a father’s face and a cheer to a mother’s life so winning a gold medal could have had such wonderful pride and happiness which I won’t be able to justify with my words. Meet the gold medalist, Yeshi Jamtsho, the man with many successful gifts.  
He embodies the perseverance, excellence and enthusiasm; nothing beats the one with these qualities.
There are always few things which tend to act away from your direction. But the destined ones are always the one who end up in a right place. He almost missed this opportunity of being able to do architecture when the result declared had chained him to bollards on a bay with ship almost getting sailed away to the land he dreamt of, he never expected a low academic performance. The destiny can never be changed, but it can be rewritten of course. It was a correction mistake which otherwise would have meant Yeshi being declared as the whole Bhutan topper for class 12 in a first place. Of course the due recognition was conferred afterwards. Ya! This guy topped class twelve when the correction marks came up, and it was not late for him to get enrolled into the most coveted and sought course then.
To get recognition as great as gold medal in Indian college, you have to be one in hundreds or even more. The best days are far from glory as it’s always filled with consistent diligence and undeviating hardships. And to especially do better continuously in architecture is beyond anyone’s comprehension. How can one be able to come out with good works which have conquered the heart and the soul of people who even though have varying opinions and perspectives about architecture?  And to be able to convince everyone and to come out with adorning achievements would mean something way beyond being good. And he certainly makes all the Bhutanese Students here in college proud. Your winning of gold medal has proven inspirational to many of us and I hope it proves more inspirational to every aspiring student who dreams of becoming an architect.
Its been seldom that Bhutanese achieve such recognitions in an international platforms. And when someone finally achieves, it should be an uncalled duty of other fellow Bhutanese to paint the felicitation of appreciation and Tashi Delek.
Congratulation Yeshi aka Cody!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Better an enthusiast photographer than an incompetent engineer.

This is my second lesson from Baba Ranchor dhaas. If you have forgotten, let me remind you of my first lesson under the name Make Kids Abler, Success will follow, I wrote about how trying to make understand the real meanings of things which could be so otherwise behind the beautiful lines, and how one mustn’t just study to become like machine but study to understand and become a better human. And for the ones, who haven’t watched 3 Idiots, I once again urge you to watch it. I repeat that you won’t regret for taking this advice of mine while I won’t be regretting giving you.
Farhan wants to become a photographer, but his dad has sealed his fate to be an engineer the moment he was born. The likes of his interest in photograph has created confusion and invisible confrontation in his conscience between his own enthusiasm and his father’s wish of becoming him an engineer. This particular unseen fight within him makes him compromise his own interest. He lives his life with a fear of having to live a life his parents wants for him of which the obvious repercussions were him not doing very good in engineering. He might have become an enthusiast and better photographer than suffering as an incompetent engineering student.
While the above so called sad story of a person may be from a movie, but it has nothing so impractical comparing it to our lives; most of the people land up doing something while they dream of doing of some other thing. If there is any survey carried out, it would obviously come out such a dramatically inclined curve towards the people who do not like doing what they are doing against the people who enjoy doing what they are doing. And let’s not forget, I am not even talking about people who are not good at what they are doing. And this business starts from its early stage.
How many parents of ours really know what children really are good at? How many know or even try to ask if they don’t, that what children wants to do in life?  Isn’t becoming a photographer good for parents than an engineer even if they never asked you whether you like doing engineering or not? Or most parents think they know better for us children than we do for ourselves? Is it better to live life as an incompetent engineer than an enthusiast photographer? Isn’t it good to be a passionate painter than an incapable doctor?
Within few weeks from now, the results for class twelve students will come out. It’s the time when many students gets their fate sealed. Some get what they acquired, some get what their parents can afford, some do not even have luxury to try any of these opportunities but only few get what they are really interested in doing. And same will be the case with class tenth students; whether you are interested in history or becoming a journalist, your parents and even teachers would force you to take up science. During our days, people took science because the senior students who studied science got absorbed in one thing or the other, but these days even science students do not have the same green pasture as we had. When the graze is more, its time someone find a new land. How would it be possible to get good competing students if the ones who are good at arts and don’t have ambition of becoming doctor or engineer are forced or brainwashed to take up science subjects? Didn’t we lose the better journalists, lawyers, historians and economists in the process of singly draining all the students?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I love my country and i miss Bhutan

Friend:      Hows everything down there?
Me     :      Good.
Friend:     Must be enjoying, really hard.
Me     :    Yeah, kind of. (And it makes me so sick of people thinking that I am enjoying out here in foreign land)
Friend:        Oh, that’s good.
After a pause when I don’t reply.
Friend:      Don’t you Miss Bhutan?
Me:          Of course.
And I proudly continue,
“Its where My heart and my mother is!”
Of all the fancy places I see in the movies may perhaps be the most exotic places on earth, but it definitely do not have the love of your mother, care of your father, and the familiarity of yourself. The mother’s place, be it a shed covered with rotten carcass of shingles or the mud-baked house where my parents live, it’s still the place where a soul within me is set in vibrant resonance of love and happiness.
Its now almost more than a six months I visited Bhutan last time. I am dying here to walk peacefully along the roads. I am done with walking down the boulevards. I would die trying to familiarize myself to these things and ending up hating to have known things which are tough when you don’t know and tougher to catch up after you know it. A day in Delhi on the streets would mean many things; my first day in Delhi (that was four years ago), I and my friends end up being conned, the rickshaw men are few from whom we learn a lot these days- they are perfect example of how someone new in place can be naive and foolish. Sometimes, even after I wake up from my nap, the bus would still be struggling to reach my station with roads filled with cars. I have never been on the roads crowded with cars. The metro trains have similar stories. Life moves at the pace of electronics and gadgets. When these wheels are jammed, life stops to flow slickly. And scary thing about this life here amidst all this happening around is that I am lonely and unfamiliar.
Another thing that makes me really desire I were in Bhutan is food. I die here for Bhutanese food. I don’t wish to eat foods cooked by my mom, but anything that is as good as ema datsi would do, but it has remained as some sort missing dream. Seems like, I have left the dreamland for some bizarre land on earth.

Paro Takstang
By now, in some parts of Bhutan, there must be white flakes descending gracefully leaving every mesmerized creatures adorned with snow. The pristine beauty of Himalayas would have lit even the darkest of souls, and would have injected the refreshed air of sacred life in souls lingering around, with all peaks ushering the early sun shines over its whitened self. Life will be grandeur and I am missing to be a part of the celebration. My sister would have now learned to recognize people, if not the ones around her at house at the least. She would soon become a year old, and I will be the only one to miss her birthday. The guilt hovers over me! I don’t remember when is the last time I stood up to form a circle and dance during losar, and celebrating it here with few friends do not really give me the chill-pill I will get lest I am in Bhutan. I miss walking freely, I miss hearing the chirping of birds, I miss the mowing of cows, I miss taking bath in fresh mountain rivers, I miss watching the lights of the few vehicles, those lights moved so beautifully and made a perfect show for my young brothers, I miss evening walk on the road along the Punatsang chhu, and I miss my simple life in Bhutan.  
People playing archery during losar
Rang Yuel Zampai Wog Lu in rung Gaa…because it’s not just the place where you have some identity or some territorial advantage, but for the simple reason that it’s where your soul is at ease and feels warm. There’s no need to understand the reason why it is so? Lets even ask God, He won’t be able to justify why man prefer to live at the embrace of lovely parents of one’s than in heaven. It’s all simple and sacred, and there’s unknown incognito understanding about it.  

As for now, I am getting impatient to finish my course and be back soon to Bhutan and live the rest of a life in one of the world’s peaceful lands

Friday, January 14, 2011

Me, my boyfriend, ex-boy friend and another man!

Before I really start this post, I would like to apologize to you all for deleting my post on the story of Wangmo. I am working on it, and I thought it would be better that I post after doing final and thorough edit and help (which I am getting from few fellow blogger and writers abroad). I will post whole story when I complete it. Till then, be kind with me to read my short posts.
Recently to cover up few expenses and to make best out of my holidays, I have joined a landscape office. Though the base office is some 10 kilometers from my hostel, I was placed at site which was, to my utter surprise, 37 kilometers away from my hostel. And not to mention how I have to wake up at in the morning, and wait for the company bus on road. I don’t remember when is the last time I woke up at such hour after coming to college. I am laughing at my own pathetic and foolish situation. Of course there’s no better opportunity right now for me than getting a chance to work with American architects. And it’s a big project-Jaypee Sports City.
So today in the morning, as usual I and my friend were in the bus that picks up the workers from the way. Since most of the time, we used to sleep off till we get to the office. He is a very silent guy, in fact more than reserved person. It’s his 9th month and I have seen myself having more gossip and chatting with the office colleagues than him. He is a senior to me by a year, but he failed his fourth year, so we were repeating in same class. He is repeating only one subject. So, he is not so acquainted with the class which consisted of mostly my batch.
Mostly in the class there are students who don’t do much but when there’s anything like discussion, there are people who speak a loud, they don’t tend to give a shit about -Deeds are louder to speech. Our class sessions were always discussion-sometimes with faculty and sometimes with whole class.
“Miss Y and her boyfriend, Mr. X are so irritating in the class.” He said.
“Yeah!” I looked at him with disbelief and said, “They pretend as if they know everything.
“There are others also in your batch that fall under their category.”
I laughed. “I know!”
“She dated Mr. Z also, right?”
“Ya! She stayed with him for few months before she ended up with Mr. X.”
“Do you know she was with Mr. P as well?”
Mr. P is from his batch.
“I don’t know about that.”
Our boring usual bus journey has become suddenly interesting. Who doesn’t like to gossip, and especially when it’s about college lovers. I don’t mean to be naughty (hahaha).
“During our college festival in second year, Mr. Z was driving with Mr. X on the other seat.”
“And Ms. Y?”
“She was smooching Mr. P at the back seat!”
We both burst into laughter. People in the bus must be sleeping; they didn’t seem to be bothered with the noise.
“Holy fish!” I was still laughing, it was the best treat in such a boring journey and I asked after gathering myself, “Mr. X was not bothered about the scene?”
“That time, she broke up with Mr. Z and she was not dating Mr.X.”
“That’s interesting looking at present context of Mr. X being with her, huh?”
We again had another share of burst.
“Ya, She was with her present boyfriend Mr. X, her ex-boyfriend Mr.Z and another man, Mr. P.”

Sunday, January 2, 2011

She walks beside me like a moon does in a lonely night

She walks beside me naked like a moon does when one walks in a lonely night. But her lights are clouded. My vision are nothing less enveloped in a shadow of past. My muscles are tired. They think it’s tedious and unexciting to move with shoe full of gravels. They give up too easily. I try in vain to speak up with myself that if the gravels hurt the feet, one must trod even without shoes, because the harder you try, lesser you cry. And then there won’t be a space to shelter the hard toiling and the rough path. Sometimes in life, we are bound to fall victim to certain unclear confusion. Lucky are the ones who do not end up having fallen to the greatest and deepest that one never gets a chance to redeem oneself. Past shadows ever after us, they never ceases tailing us.
There are many opportunities men are provided with to walk never looking back. We are awaited with lots of promising cards. Trust your end you see ahead or regret the end you passed through, I am perplexed and inert on the path. Several times, things proved to be a mere mirage. I repented my decisions then. I don’t want to make a habit of my rash instincts. It bled many times, and now I fear looking ahead, not that I don’t trust my own heart and mind, but I want to look carefully at my past and move forward.
Many a times in the past, I tried an attempt to forget the faded pictures. Past is something that didn’t last, I used to try pursuing myself to let go the things of past. But it was difficult when she was someone I had truly loved. It was difficult when it was a dream that I was building on ever since I had known the essence of knowing the destiny. It was difficult when he was the one friend who I trusted above anyone. It was difficult when you would have left someone with pain, and something dismantled. It was never easy, and the guilt has been nothing but an extra shadow to close the light. And all that I see is my life being tugged here and there but without any specific destiny. The ship hasn’t been able to sail the direction I would be pleased with.
Today, I have a present and my past walks naked beside me like a moon does when one walks in a lonely night. Tomorrow, I don’t want the shadow of today’s deeds haunt me with guilt and fear. I hope, that tomorrow will be the day I stand tall and proud, the day I represent a better past and a hopeful future.
With all that gone and coming, I wish make a good thing out my present.