Thursday, March 3, 2011

Pawn in the game of life.


All the long, he followed the path not knowing where it leads and he still follows it.
Like a chessboard, with one move, a pawn being capable of throwing a big iron hammer on king’s throne leaves nothing more striking than to assume our lives in accentuation with it. There is surprise, and there are so many ‘next thing’ from the other. I was born with a big surprise to everyone, in a public bus. Only god knows at how many ends of curses and of course sweet words I would have been even before my parents could actually kiss me.
I heard from my late Grandpa so many times how I almost succumbed to death with no proper clothes and food. He carried me inside his big pocket (hemchung of Gho) while Grandma stood beside my ailing mother. And even before I could thank him for everything he did that which is worth more than my life, he passed away. Sometimes, I wish if only our life comes with for-seen moves.
You can sometimes give a check very early if there are any leaks at any spots. You give check in chess to make one’s game more vigilant and of course to conquer the king and eventually a game, but life gives a check that which is capable of changing your whole life for once and all, or sometimes some are not even fortunate enough to be able to get second chance.I almost had the end of my life when I toppled down the hill into the scratchy stream with a tractor. For a five year child, the tractor parked over the hilly road didn’t make any difference of fear or understanding of it being a killing machine if toyed with it. All that excited me was sitting on the driver’s couch and next thing that followed was a tractor moving without the driver down the hill with me still on the steering. My Dad jumped along with the tractor, and picked me up with a big wheel of tractor rotating over my head. I would have been killed, and my Dad would have been too. BUT GOD? I still remember how Grandpa who was inside the room reciting prayer came out shouting at the people gathered around the scene. I was too naïve to actually fit into the circumstances. The fear within me conquered fully, and I broke down along with my terrified parents.
Next thing that followed was me and my Dad being summoned in the court. I don’t remember anything from that scene, but all that I know is that I was relieved of any guilt.
Law stated I was too young to be convicted of causing accident and damage to other’s property, but the guilt still lingers within me. I can never be relieved of the fact that within five years of my birth, I have caused terrible problems to the people around me. It still scares me to think of it, and makes me terribly sad when I imagine what could I have probably been to my parents, to the owner of the vehicle and to my grandpa? I continued to shock the people around me. Terror barged into my parent’s life with me, but they survived, and were thankful to God for saving my life while I still question God for playing the game with my life of which only He knows the rules.
I was immediately taken to the village by Grandpa. But the life has its drama incomplete for that particular episode. I was admitted into a boarding school faraway from my Grandpa and I almost got drowned before I got sick for many weeks. Before I could bring the situation in my consciousness, I was once again with my parents. And in 1997, exactly three years after I left my Grandpa for my parent’s place, I landed up handicapped in a rotten carcass of bicycle. I jammed up myself into it with a broken hand. Whenever my Dad is not so sober or emotionally down, he always accuses me of being responsible for my own destruction of a precious life. I know he must be feeling responsible though for all these things in my life which makes me nothing less sad than making my parents feel responsible for something nasty I ended up doing or committing. God has designed my life in many ways he desired, and I don’t know HOW MANY MORE HE WANTS TO?
But however, amidst all these ups and downs, my life also had s many wonderful things. If I was all the source of sadness to my parents, I had also been in few occasions a source of happiness and pride for them and of course for my late Grandpa.
I thank God for that, but it doesn’t make me more a person who could take Him for granted. He’s capable of many surprises and moves.
And all that I can do is be a part of the drama and go on being a pawn in His game.

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